


No One's Here To Sleep

by FatalTie



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Angst, Drama, M/M, Romance, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-21
Updated: 2015-01-21
Packaged: 2018-03-08 12:10:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3208667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FatalTie/pseuds/FatalTie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kida has started to distance himself from his friends, but Mikado would never let him slip away so easily.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“… Kida-kun, where are you going?”

Mikado feels his chopsticks creak slightly at his tightened grip. He stares worriedly at his friend’s retreating back.

Kida pauses before turning slightly to look at Mikado and Anri, who both remained on the bench, lunches on their laps.

“Ehh, I was thinking I would go ahead back to class…” Kida glances away from the friends, but stays half turned towards them.

Mikado frowns further, and feels the worry knotting up in his stomach.

“B-but lunch period just started! And…,” Mikado looks down at Kida’s nearly untouched lunch beside him, “… you barely ate any of your food…”

Only two bites, in fact.

Kida continues to look anywhere but the two of them, before answering airily.

“I had a big breakfast, so I’m not that hungry,”

“But you can have the rest Mikado! You need to put some meat on those bones of yours anyway,” He says cheekily, and turns away again and to head towards the door of the exit.

“W-Wait!” Mikado hurriedly sets his own lunch aside, rising from his seat, “Even if you don’t want any lunch, you can still sit with us!”

He rushes over to the other boy, who has stopped again. Mikado slows until he is only a few feet from Kida.

“We can still talk and stuff,” Mikado nervously begins to tug at one of his sleeves, “… and recently… I feel like you –“

He quiets for a moment, trying to form a better sentence.

“… I feel like we… haven’t been talking as much lately…”

A month. For the last _month_ Mikado watched as his friend slowly drift away. Admittedly at first, he didn’t notice when Kida declined to hang out after school with increasing frequency. It wasn’t until Anri wondered aloud if there was something bothering Kida that Mikado finally noticed. And with each passing day the guilt pressed harder on his chest like a lead weight. When dark shadows had begun to form under Kida’s eyes and he started eating less, Mikado felt panic slowly ebb its way into his mind.

Something had happened— changed. And whatever it was, it was clearly having some sort of terrible effect on Kida. And Mikado _had completely missed it._ He should know what’s wrong. He should know, **why don’t I know?**

Kida shifts his weight from one foot to the other, but remains facing away from his friend.

“Ah… Mi-ka-do, can’t you see I’m giving you the perfect opportunity to have some alone time with the sexy Anri-chan?”

“But Kida-kun I –”

“Besides I’ve got some homework I need to do anyway.” Kida makes a move to start towards the door again. Mikado fumbles over his thoughts, he’s leaving again, _please don’t leave._

“H-homework? Uh, well, I’m not very hungry either, maybe I could come help you –“

Mikado pauses as Kida lets out a frustrated sigh.

“I don’t need any help Mikado, just stay here and keep Anri-chan company alright?” His hand is on the door knob now, and Mikado scurries forward to come closer.

“Well, if two people work on it should go faster ri—“

“I don’t need any help!”

Mikado flinches at the irritated tone. He can see the tension in Kida’s shoulders, which spreads throughout the boy’s posture. Occupied with his thoughts, Mikado almost jumps at the sudden quiet voice beside him.

“Kida-kun…” Sometime during the exchange, Anri had left the bench to stand next Mikado. She also stares grimly at their friend’s back, chewing her lip.

“I changed mind alright? I’m going to take a nap instead,” Kida’s head turns slightly, enough to barely see his mouth moving, “I don’t need any help to do that.”

The pain in Mikado’s chest is burning as Kida swings the door open and angrily stomps down the stairs. The boy has already made it to the first landing before Mikado finally rushes forward and halfway down the stairs. He stumbles slightly and clutches at the railing to hold himself up.

“Masaomi —!“

The blonde boy stiffens and stops at the call. Mikado continues speaking franticly.

“Wait, um, listen—“ He inhales shortly, “Masaomi, you know you’re…. my best friend in world! And you … I mean, I-I’m still yours right?”

Kida finally looks up at him, surprise etched on his face.

Even from this distance Mikado can see the shadows under his eyes. His heart clenches again as Kida stares at him for a few seconds, before lowering his eyes guiltily.

“… Of course you’re my best friend.”

Mikado feels just a little tension seep out of him, but his stomach remains painfully knotted.

“Is there something wrong, Masaomi? Did… something happen?”

The blonde slowly smiles and Mikado might have felt relieved if the smile didn’t look so tired. If he didn’t look so completely _exhausted._

“I’m fine, Mikado! Really. I was up late last night so I’m a little cranky is all,” He laughs quietly and the sound rings uncomfortably in Mikado’s ears, “I didn’t mean to snap… I’m just going to take a small nap, okay?”

He’s lying again.

“O-oh. Okay,” Mikado tries to not sound too disappointed, “… but we can walk home after school right? We haven’t done that in a while…” He trails off into a laugh, trying to make it seem like he isn’t as desperate as he is.

The small smile on Kida’s face slowly drops, and for a moment Kida seems like he might decline. But then a guilty look crosses his features again and he sighs. He looks away as he answers and Mikado can no longer see his face.

“Ah hmmm… sorry about that, I’ve been a little busy lately, but yeah,” He shrugs, “I’ll see you after school.”

Mikado stays put, watching as Kida walks down the next set of stairs and further, until he can no longer see the boy. Only then does he let his hand drop from the railing and fall limply to his side. His stomach uncurls slightly.

T-this is good right? Even if he still doesn’t know what’s going on, Masaomi agreed to walk home with them after school. Something he hasn’t done in a while.

It’s only a small relief, but one none-the-less.

“… he isn’t taking this very well…”

Again Anri has snuck up on the Mikado, causing the boy to jolt at the unexpected noise. The girl isn’t looking at him but down the stairwell, where Kida has left.

As his brain catches up with her statement, Mikado feels his small bubble of relief deflate.

“You know what’s wrong?”

Masaomi told Sonohara-san but _not him?_

Anri frowns as she turns to Mikado, the worried look still covering over her face.

“I think I have an idea, Kida-kun hasn’t told me but…” She lets the rest of her sentence die out, as though she’s unsure of how to continue.

Mikado shoves some unpleasant thoughts to the back of his head ( _I shouldn’t be so happy he hasn’t told her_ ) and instead tries to focus on what Anri is saying.

“I see,” He waits to see if she will elaborate before continuing, “Well, what do you think it is?”

“It’s … not really my place to tell, Ryuugamine-kun.”

Mikado slumps slightly at this, “But something is seriously wrong right? Has he run into some trouble or something? Is someone…,” a fleeting image of a thin man with red eyes and a cat-like smirk crosses his mind, “… hurting him?”

She chews on her lip again, and he can see she is debating on whether or not to tell him.

“I don’t think it’s something like that, exactly. I’m worried about him but,” She sighs, “I think… he just needs some space.”

Frustration swirls into the mix of Mikado’s thoughts, along with the already heavy weight of guilt and worry. Mikado feels fear pulsing through his veins. Kida’s going to simply fall apart right in front of them, and they’re just letting it happen.

Anri makes her way back up the stairs to the roof as Mikado takes another look back down the stairwell.

This can’t possibly be all that they can do.

He quickly dashes up the stairs to catch up with Anri, who’s already halfway to the bench they occupied before.

“Sonohara-san!”

The girl’s pace slows slightly but she continues to walk, Mikado falling into place behind her.

“Please, tell me what’s wrong! If it’s something I can— we can fix, we need to help Masaomi,” They make it back to the bench and the girl takes a seat, “Something has been wrong for while now!”

Anri pulls her lunch into her lap and stares resolutely at it. There are a few moments of silence as Mikado waits in front of her, hoping that she’ll change her mind.

“… if you want to know, try talking to Kida-kun after school again,” She looks up sadly at Mikado, “We should finish our lunch…”

Defeated, Mikado wordlessly sits next her and pulls his own lunch into his lap. The idea of eating is incredibly unappealing right now, but he shoves the now tasteless food into his mouth anyway. Chew and swallow. His stomach churns uncomfortably, but he finishes his meal despite it.

He doesn’t want to be a hypocrite.

The rest of the school day passes agonizingly slow for Mikado, whose thoughts surround his troubled friend. When the final bell rings, he speeds though his duties and quickly dashes to the front gate. As he nears it, Mikado can see Kida leaning against the gate staring out at the street, patiently waiting.

“Masaomi!” He quickly dodges some ambling students, before stopping in front of the blonde boy gasping for air. Wheezing loudly, Mikado leans over slightly, hands resting on his knees.

“Sorry…. for… the wait!”

Kida blinks owlishly at him, before chuckling slightly. The sound makes his heart swell.

“I haven’t been here for longer than a minute, Mikado~! You didn’t need to rush over here like that!”

Mikado smiles a little and breathes a little more evenly now. He straightens up and adjusts the strap of his bag.

“Ah, well I was worried you might leave without… me,” As soon as he begins speaking, he wishes he could take it back. Kida looks away.

“B-but Masaomi wouldn’t do that,” He laughs nervously before continuing, “A-anyway, let’s go then!”

Kida looks back at the school yard, scanning the students, before turning to look back at Mikado. He quirks an eyebrow questioningly.

“What about Anri-chan, Mikado?”

… Sonohara-san! In his rush he had completely forgotten about the third person to their trio.

Embarrassed, he stutters out an explanation.

“U-Uh, she’s still in the classroom… I think…,” Kida is already sighing loudly shaking his head, even as Mikado continues, “I-I guess I got ahead of her…”

“Mikado, Mikado~,” Kida waves his hand dramatically through the air, “You’re never going to win Anri-chan’s heart like this!”

Kida is softly smiling again, and it’s almost enough to make everything seem alright. But Mikado can still see those dark circles under his eyes and hear the slight strain in his voice. Despite that, it’s a small comfort seeing his friend acting like his usual self.

“Ryuugamine-kun! Kida-kun!”

They both turn to see Anri making her way towards them, bag clutched in her arms. She stops in front them, speaking quietly.

“I’m sorry but I have some things I need to do,” Her eyes slide over to stare at Mikado, “I won’t be able to walk home with you guys today.” She bows politely.

“Oh, well. That’s too bad,” Mikado frowns slightly, “Well, we’ll see you later then.”

She nods and they both wave as she heads down the street in the opposite direction of the boy’s destination. Kida sighs next to him and Mikado gives him a questioning stare.

“Ah yet another opportunity lost! Have you learned nothing Mikado?” Kida places his hands on his hips pouting slightly.

“E-eh? What do you mean?” They begin walking down the street, still chatting.

“You should have offered to accompany Anri-chan! I can’t keep doing all the work here, Mikado!”

Mikado frowns again.

“But I wanted to walk home with you, Masaomi.”

At this Kida goes surprisingly quiet, and suddenly mood shifts into a tension filled atmosphere.

“… I see.”

Mikado panics and tries to save the conversation.

“So, um, how was class today, Masaomi?”

Kida stares ahead, face blank, as they continue down the street.

“Mmm… fine.”

They stop at a crosswalk, waiting for the light to change, and Mikado fiddles with the strap of his bag. He waits to see if Kida will continue, he doesn’t, before filling in the awkward silence.

“Ah, that’s good…” Mikado continues on to talk about his own classes, occasionally asking Kida questions. His answers are short and sometimes vague. The switch from what had been an almost normal atmosphere to a tense one is startling, but Mikado as persists. Before, Kida was always the one talking. His stomach continues to churn.

It isn’t long before Mikado runs out of things to say, and they spend the last five minutes of their journey in silence. When they arrive at Mikado’s apartment, he fumbles for something to prolong their time.

“Did you want to, um, come inside maybe?” He looks hopefully at Kida, who turns away from him.

“I can’t. I’ve got some stuff to do actually…”

Mikado’s shoulders drop, not bothering to hide his disappointment.

“Oh...,” Kida begins to walk away and Mikado scrambles for an idea, “Uh- Well w-what about later? Do you think maybe we could hang out later today?”

Kida huffs, stopping.

“I don’t think so. I’m going to be pretty busy.”

He’s beginning to sound annoyed but Mikado presses on.

“Are you sure? I mean, we could do whatever you know?” He tries to smile lightly even though Kida isn’t looking at him, “We could even go to the park and, er, hit on girls… If you want.”

Kida’s shoulders tense once again, irritation flowing into his stance.

“Sorry, but I’m busy.”

Mikado’s heart falls at the tone. His hands clench around the strap of his bag.

“…. Why won’t you tell me what’s wrong Masaomi?”

The blonde suddenly whirls around to face Mikado, glaring.

“I told you there’s nothing wrong, alright?!”

There is a shocked silence as the two friends stare at each other. Twin looks of surprise are on both their faces, both of them taken back by the outburst. Mikado drops his gaze first, staring at the stained sidewalk under his feet. There is a low burning in the back of his throat, and he takes in a deep shuddering breath.

Mikado can faintly hear footsteps approaching him, but he doesn’t look up. They stop just as he can barely see Kida’s shoes a few feet in front of him. There’s a strained sigh and Mikado watches Kida’s feet shift slightly.

“Listen, Mikado, I’m sorry for… snapping at you. But I’m fine alright? I just got… a test… coming up in class. Been up late studying for it.”

It’s such an obvious lie; Mikado doesn’t even need to see his face to know. He raises his sight to a spot right above Kida’s shoulder.

“I thought you said we were best friends, Masaomi?” Kida makes a notion like he’s going to respond, but Mikado talks right over him, he can’t stop now, “I know something’s wrong, but maybe Masaomi… Maybe _Kida-kun_ and I aren’t as close as I thought…” He can’t stop the pain from following into his voice either.

The blond boy sputters at the statement and stumbles forward.

“W-What?! No! That’s not—!” He scrambles closer to Mikado and grasps the other boy’s arms, “You _are_ my best friend! The best friend in the world!”

Mikado finally looks up at Kida’s face. The blond boy is wide-eyed and frantic, and from this close those damn shadows are so prominent. Mikado’s heart somehow manages to sink even further.

“Then why won’t you let me help you?” His voice wavers slightly.

He feels the hands on his arms squeeze lightly and then they loosen and fall away.

“It’s… not something you can, I mean, I just…” Kida looks away from him again.

Mikado tries not to get too hopeful, because they’ve just moved one step closer, he admitted something is wrong. Mikado takes a small tentative step closer to the other boy.

“You… you can tell me Kida-kun. Is something wrong at home? Or maybe someone is hurting you, blackmailing maybe?”

Kida shakes his head and stares at the ground. His response is whispered, so quiet Mikado almost doesn’t catch it.

“… Please call me Masaomi.”

A smile grows on Mikado’s face, despite the circumstances.

“You can tell me anything, Masaomi.”

Kida twitches and raises his head a bit.

“… Anything?”

“Of course!”

Mikado answers quickly, and waits for Kida to continue. He can feel the anticipation stirring up in him as time passes. Finally, he’s going to know what’s wrong! And then they can start fixing it, because surely whatever it is, if they both work together it can be fixed. And then things will go back to normal, and Kida will stop looking so sick and tired, and… and… he isn’t saying anything.

The minutes pile up as they continue to stand in silence, Kida’s head still not quite lifted. Mikado tries to keep the building wave of impatience at bay and waits for Kida to speak. He’s not going to rush him. Nope. Because he is a _patient_ and good friend.

At last Kida lifts his head fully, but he doesn’t look directly at Mikado. Instead he seems to be looking at something… just past him? Eye level, slightly to Mikado’s left? Just as Mikado is about to turn his head to check out whatever caught Kida’s interest, suddenly Kida raises his hand to Mikado’s face, slowly. The hand hesitates near his ear, and Mikado gives his friend a confused look. Kida doesn’t seem to catch it though, concentrating on the spot that Mikado has determined to be near his ear.

The hand hovers for a moment longer, before Kida’s fingers lightly brush the hair right above Mikado’s ear. Heat starts rushing to Mikado’s face as Kida continues to play with the short hair. He wants to ask Kida why he’s doing this, but his mouth stays clamped shut and the words caught in his throat.

Occasionally the hand will brush the top of Mikado’s ear and the spot will burn hotly. There’s a slow, weird feeling curling in Mikado’s stomach because there’s something… strangely _intimate_ about the moment right now and Mikado really isn’t sure about what’s happening.

Kida’s eyes slide down to stare somewhere near the lower half of his face, and Mikado wishes Kida would look him in the eyes already, because he’s really confused right now. The hand that had previously been petting his hair now shifts down to his cheek, cupping it gently. Mikado isn’t sure if it’s because his face is so hot or because Kida’s hand is cold, but the touch is almost like ice against his skin.

Kida is still staring and, after a moment, moves closer. A small squeak makes it past Mikado’s lips.

“M-Masaomi?”

Kida’s eyes finally flick up and connect with Mikado’s. Suddenly it feels like the air around them stops, and there’s a loud ringing in his ears. His face is burning; Mikado can feel his blood pulsating beneath his skin.

After a beat Kida’s face quickly drains of all color, leaving his complexion quite pale. It’s only for a brief second that Mikado sees his friend’s eyes widen in panic before his vision is covered up by Kida’s cold hand. The metal bracelet around Kida’s wrist slides across his lips, the sensation tickling.

“… I’m sorry, I’ve got to go…!”

And just like that the light pressure of Kida’s hand is gone, leaving Mikado blinking blearily after the retreating back of his friend. Mikado continues to stay on the sidewalk long after Kida has left, hand clutching the fabric above his heart, as if that will somehow slow down its furious beating.

Just… what was that?

When Mikado finally manages to relocate himself into his apartment, he spends the next couple of hours trying to do his homework. It’s a fruitless effort though; his mind is pretty much a pile of mush at this point.

Sighing, he sets down his pen and rubs his head as if that will somehow clear up his thoughts.

… That had not been the normal horsing-around behavior that Masaomi was prone too. Sure, Kida has always been a rather… touchy sort of person, but that… earlier had been different. That wasn’t like a casual arm around his shoulders, or sudden, friendly tackle from behind. Kida had been about to… he had been about to… to _kiss him_ … right?

Mikado can feel heat creeping into his face again.

Well, maybe he was jumping to conclusions. But… it seemed like it. He raises his hand to his lips and can barely remember the feel of cool metal against them. What would have happened if Mikado hadn’t said anything? Would he really have kissed him? He’d never seen Masaomi’s face so close before, their noses nearly brushing together. Mikado wonders if Kida would have titled his head, like he’s seen in movies. How would it feel, Kida’s lips against his own? Would it be as soft as it looked?

What would that feel like?

…

A thump reverberates throughout the room as Mikado slams his face down onto his poor open math book. He had just spent the last several minutes fantasizing about making out with his best friend _this wasn’t the time for a sexuality crisis_.

…Clearly school work isn’t going to be done anytime soon. Mikado decides to turn on his computer, hoping to find some distraction. The computer slowly begins booting up and during the time his mind wanders back to the source of all his thoughts lately, Masaomi. The … earlier incident aside, Mikado was still unsure of what exactly was wrong. It could be that Masaomi… was, um… well if Masaomi was really going to kiss him that might mean he was _gay_ right? Bi, maybe? Was that why he had been so upset lately?

He quickly types in his password and waits for his desktop to load.

Well, even if that’s what it had looked like, he shouldn’t just assume things. But he couldn’t just up and ask Masaomi, could he? He feels terrified at the thought of trying to ask his friend, because what if he was wrong! And what would that say about Mikado, who had interpreted it that way?

But if he didn’t ask about it, then that just brought him back to square one. Ah, he was running in circles now, wasn’t he?

Mikado loads up the chat. Perhaps he can get some outsider’s advice?

_Tanaka Tarou has entered the chat._

[Kanra]: Ah, it’s Tanaka Tarou-san~!!

[Kanra]: I was worried I was going to be all alone~!

[Tanaka Tarou]: Good Evening.

[Tanaka Tarou]: Are you the only one here tonight, Kanra-san?

[Kanra]: Yes~ ;A;

[Kanra]: Setton-san was on earlier, but they left! I was so lonely~ ;A;

[Kanra]: But now Tanaka Tarou-san is on to keep me company <3

[Tanaka Tarou]: Ah, I see.

[Tanaka Tarou]: That’s too bad. I had been hoping to talk to Setton-san about something.

[Kanra]: Uwah, you didn’t want to talk to me?! How mean! ;A;

[Tanaka Tarou]: Ah, sorry! I didn’t mean it that way!

[Tanaka Tarou]: I just wanted to get some advice about something…

[Kanra]: Advice? Advice about what?

[Tanaka Tarou]: It’s about a friend.

[Tanaka Tarou]: He hasn’t been himself lately.

[Kanra]: Oh no, that’s terrible! D:

[Tanaka Tarou]: He’s hasn’t been eating very well, and he’s been sort of stand offish lately…

[Tanaka Tarou]: And I think he might not be sleeping very well either.

[Tanaka Tarou]: I’m really worried about him.

[Kanra]: Sounds like he might really stressed~

[Kanra]: You know that one of the best ways to relieve stress is sex~

[Kanra]: Maybe you should try seducing him, Tanaka Tarou-san <3 ~!

Mikado chokes a bit at this, feeling a familiar flush rush over his face.

[Tanaka Tarou]: I’m being serious, Kanra-san! I’m really worried!

[Kanra]: You don’t believe me? Uwahhh~ ;A; It’s true!

[Kanra]: **Link**

He’s hesitant to click the link, but he does anyway. It takes Mikado to a rather innocent looking article that kindly informs him, that actually yes, sex is in fact known to reduce stress.

[Kanra]: I can’t believe you think I would lie to you Tanaka Tarou-san!

[Kanra]: Do you really think I‘m that sort of person? Meanie~~ ;-;

[Kanra]: I was trying to give you heartfelt advice!!

[Tanaka Tarou]: I’m sorry! I’d never heard about something like that before…

[Tanaka Tarou]: I shouldn’t I have assumed. I’m very sorry.

[Kanra]: Aw, it’s alright~ I forgive you <3

[Kanra]: Are you gonna try out my advice Tanaka Tarou-san?

[Tanaka Tarou]: A-ah no, I don’t think so.

[Tanaka Tarou]: I mean, we’re kind of young for that sort of thing.

[Tanaka Tarou]: And we’re both boys o_o;;

[Kanra]: Ah, really? It isn’t unusual these days for teenagers to do that sort of thing~

[Kanra]: And BL is getting a little popular these days~ <3 <3

[Tanaka Tarou]: BL?

[Kanra]: Boys Love <3

… His face felt like it was on fire. Now that he thinks about it though, Kanra-san isn’t exactly wrong. Mikado often hears the other boys in his class boasting about their… experiences (though he’s sure many of them are probably exaggerating). A few times he had even heard some girls talking about their … err… experiences.

…What about Masaomi?

No, surely if Kida had done… a-anything like that he definitely would have told Mikado, right? That’s the sort of thing best friends tell each other!

But they haven’t been sharing much of anything lately, have they?

Mikado stares forlornly at his keyboard. What is he suppose to do in this situation?

He realizes rather belatedly that his computer is beeping rather insistently at him.

[Kanra]: Tanaka Tarou-sannn~

[Kanra]: Are you there?

[Kanra]: Helloooo~

[Kanra]: Are you ignoring me?!

[Kanra]: How rude!

[Kanra]: …

[Kanra]: You’re not doing something *naughty* are you, Tanaka Tarou-san?

[Kanra]: Perhaps you’re thinking of that friend of yours <3

[Tanaka Tarou]: Ah, sorry I was distracted.

[Kanra]: OH MY. So you WERE doing naughty things!

[Kanra]: Are you reconsidering my advice <3 ?

[Tanaka Tarou]: NO!

[Kanra]: What? WHYYY? D:

[Kanra]: OH, is it because you don’t know how it works?

[Kanra]: Silly~ You just have to ask!

Mikado begins typing up a response that says NO he doesn’t need to know how it works and NO he WASN’T doing naughty things but Kanra beats him as several links make their way onto the chat.

… Links that are going to be ignored. Because he has no interest in that sort of thing. Nope.

His hands hesitate over the keyboard, before he moves one over to the mouse.

Well. Maybe he would look at just one. Just out of curiosity. _I mean, how does that work?_ Mikado can’t help but wonder.

He moves the mouse to hover over the first link, but before clicking it he glances nervously around his room.

_It’s just out of curiosity, really._

And with that he clicks the first link.

He spends the next hour going through each link, even though Mikado had only planned on reading the first one. He doesn’t even realize that it’s happening, just mindlessly going through all of them and absorbing the information. Though as he gets to the last couple, they start getting increasingly more… uh well, crude. The second to last link is just… pictures. Mikado quickly closes the window, embarrassed. He almost doesn’t click the last one, but well. It’s the last one. He might as well finish.

So he clicks it and waits for the page to load.

_“OHHHHH FUCK ME HARDER!!”_

Mikado jumps, banging his knees under his desk. He scrambles to turn off the graphic video that appears on his screen, clicking the close window button repeatedly, but for some reason it refuses to close.

The stars of the video continue to go at it, loudly, while Mikado slams his thumb on the force shutdown button, desperately averting his eyes from the screen. Finally, room goes silent as the computer shuts off. Mikado flops down on his back and puts a cool arm over his eyes, face burning. It’s a look he’s getting use to.

There’s a tightness in his pants as well, which he ignores, because this is really too much for one day.


	2. Chapter 2

Kida had his first wet dream shortly after Mikado had arrived in Ikebukuro.

It had been vague, and not especially explicit. And also very not what Kida had thought it would be.

He’s talking with Mikado about something, he can’t remember what, when all of sudden Mikado comes close and whispers his name. He feels a hand slip into his pants, he can’t see it but he knows its Mikado’s, and for some reason he’s okay with this. He feels the hand slowly stroke him and all the while Mikado keeps whispering his name.

_Masaomi_

He woke up with both a mess and his hand in his boxers.

It hadn’t bothered him too much. Talking with Mikado the day after had been a little awkward, but Kida managed to convince himself that it was probably a onetime thing. His hormones were built up and his body probably needed release yada yada. His brain likely just used the image of Mikado because Kida subconsciously trusted him a lot, and they _had_ just reunited recently. It surely hadn’t meant anything.

Even when the dream reoccurred a few weeks later he still didn’t pay it much mind. Sure, it was a little weird, but Kida firmly believed that there was no deep meaning or anything in his dreams. It was just his brain messing with him because it was bored… or something.

Kida definitely did _not_ want to bang his bestest best friend. Especially not when there are plenty of lovely ladies to sweep off their feet and eventually seduce! … Eventually.

He only had the dream a few select times, and each time he brushed it off as hormones and his brain being it’s odd self. It wasn’t until he consciously thought of Mikado touching him that Kida began wondering if there was more to it then he originally thought.

It had happened not too long ago, two months ago maybe, when one morning Kida had woken up still hard from a dream he couldn’t remember. He had school soon so Kida set to work on finishing himself off as quickly as possible.

He then spent the better part of 30 minutes trying to unsuccessfully get off. Kida had gone through most of his mental gallery of girls, a few different scenarios, and various other mental images, but for some reason he just couldn’t finish. It was frustrating, Kida had been running out of time before he _really_ needed to start heading to school and he was still hard as hell, and just…

And then Mikado’s image flickered to the forefront of his mind and suddenly Kida was imagining his friend between his legs, taking him in his mouth, and…

Kida had come moments later and afterwards felt both confused and a little embarrassed. Because, well, it’s a little harder to just ignore purposely jacking off to your best friend.

… In his defense, Mikado has got to be one of the prettier _boys_ he’s ever seen.

Kida almost didn’t go to school that day. Only the knowlodge that his homeroom teacher would chew him out if he skipped _again_ managed to pull him from his bed. So he went, extremely late, but at least he was there. He didn’t talk to Mikado much at all that day, needless to say. Luckily, the other boy didn’t seem to notice. Not so luckily, Anri did.

Kida’s pretty sure Anri is on to him. So smart, that Anri-chan. Beautiful, smart, sexy, moe, erotic Anri-channn. Damn, why couldn’t he have had these weird dreams for Anri-chan? Couldn’t his brain see how WONDERFUL she was, and not to mention HER FANTASTIC BREASTS? Which by the way, might he add, Mikado _clearly_ lacks?

… he doesn’t want to admit but the lack of breasts doesn’t bother him much.

In any case, eventually Kida was able to interact with Mikado without too much trouble. Because even if Kida, for whatever reason, did find himself occasionally day dreaming about banging his best friend, that wasn’t going to stop him from being Mikado’s BEST FRIEND.

Because Mikado is important to him.

But even if it was easy to fall back in routine, Kida couldn’t help but take more notice of Mikado, in ways he hadn’t considered before. The way that the Mikado looks in the sunlight, the way his uniform fits in such a nice way, when he’s smiling, when he looks like he’s got his complete attention and when he doesn’t…

And sometimes, when Kida gets a good laugh out of the other boy, Mikado will laugh and grin in way that somehow manages to light up his whole face. It’s enough to make Kida’s heart beat just a little faster.

There had been one time, when Kida had been hanging out with Mikado, such a thing happened. It wasn’t a particularly memorable day; Kida doesn’t even remember what he said to make Mikado laugh, but he does remember the warm bubbly feeling in his chest and the look on Mikado’s face.

And he had thought to himself, _I wouldn’t mind spending all my days like this_.

So, naturally, it was only a little later that everything started spiraling downhill.

It had been on the way home, right after splitting up from Mikado and Anri, when that shithead had appeared before Kida again.

Orihara Izaya.

The taller man had been leaning idly on a wall, not really looking at anything in particular, on the sidewalk Kida always followed home. At first the blonde boy figured that it was merely coincidence that the information broker happened to be on his path.

But it seemed that nothing was ever a coincidence if _you actually wanted to be._

Kida considered the option of crossing of the street to avoid passing the man, not wanting to have any particular interaction with Izaya. Unfortunately, before he could even fully process this plan, Izaya spotted him and made his was over to Kida, smirking.

Kida had hoped briefly that perhaps Izaya was actually heading towards someone behind him. It was short lived however, since when Kida had looked behind himself, Izaya called out to him.

“Masaomi-kun~!”

The blonde considered making a run for it, but honestly, it wouldn’t matter. It would probably be best to just try and get the conversation over with as quickly as possible.

Kida waited stiffly as the information broker closed in on him before stopping in front of the boy.

“It’s been a while since we’ve seen each other, hmm Masaomi-kun?” He paused as if he was waiting for Kida to respond, to which Kida denied the pleasure. Izaya continued after a few moments of silence, pouting.

“Nothing to say Masaomi-kun? Even though I came just to see you?”

Kida felt unease flutter in his gut at that; any reason Izaya had come to see him was pretty much guaranteed to be a bad one.

“…Why?”

Izaya smirked again.

“No ‘hello, how are you?’ Teenagers these days, so disrespectful.”

A pointed glare from Kida. He didn’t want to play another one Izaya’s games.

“Is there a reason you came to see me, Izaya-san?”

Izaya continued to smirk.

“Am I sensing some hostility, Masaomi-kun? You’re not still upset about the incident with Saki-chan, are you?”

The sudden, sensitive change in conversation had caught Kida off guard.

“W-What?”

The taller man sighed, shaking his head. He pulled out his small blade.

“Ah, I thought you had learned to forgive and forget by now,” the information broker twirled his switchblade between his fingers, “That’s why I decided to come to see you today~!”

… _forgive and forget?_

Rage stirred as Kida prepared to tell the man that he would most _certainly not_ not be forgiving and forgetting anytime soon and he could most _certainly_ **_fuck off_** , but Izaya started jabbering on without pause.

“I saw you hanging out with that glasses girl and that friend you introduced me to~! What was his name again?” Izaya tapped his chin thoughtfully, like he was actually trying to remember it, “It reminded me of a refrigerator or an air conditioner. Hmm… Ah! Ryuugamine-kun right?”

The older man smiled again and the sight sent a cold chill down Kida’s back. What did his friends have to do with anything? Surely Izaya was over using him as play thing by now, wasn’t he?

“You guys looked pretty close~! It was a little surprising actually, after what happened with _Saki-chan_ and all. I thought you might be a little more wary of letting people get so close to you again or something.”

The man clicked the switchblade shut, before slipping the weapon back into his coat’s pocket.

“It’s good to see that isn’t the case,” Izaya smiled cheerfully, “After all, it’s a part of life to get close to people. One of the many contributing factors that make humans so _interesting_.”

The man leaned forward, bringing his face unnervingly close to Kida’s. The boy backed up, trying to put some distance between the two of them. Izaya chuckled.

“But of course as you know, Masaomi-kun, the people you bring close to you end up being your greatest weakness,” He clapped a hand on Kida’s shoulder, “So when you choose to have such an obvious weakness, it’s best not to make _enemies_ who will take advantage of it, _ne Masaomi-kun?_ ”

The hairs on the back of Kida’s neck stood on end as Izaya continued to smile eerily at him. Abruptly Izaya straightened, removing his hand from Kida’s shoulder.

“Well, I’m glad we had this talk, Masaomi-kun~! Lets be good friends from now on, okay~?” Izaya turned on his heel and waved lazily over his shoulder, “Bye bye~! Oh! And do say hello for me to Mikado-kun for me, Masaomi-kun!”

As Kida watched the man walk away, he felt an uncomfortable anxiousness swell in his stomach. He stayed rooted to spot for several minutes, mind racing in circles. That had been a threat hadn’t it? His feet started moving, leading him by habit alone. Kida continued to try and decipher what Izaya told him, only vaguely aware that he was moving at all.

Was he putting his friends in danger, making them targets? Kida didn’t have many enemies… but wonder if one of his old gang enemies suddenly tried to get revenge? What if one of his OWN old gang members tried to do something to his friends as a way to get Kida to lead them again? Or even perhaps, just to hurt him for leaving in the first place?

Nothing had happened yet, but was it just a matter of time? Was this actually Izaya’s way of warning Kida? He scoffed at that, if Izaya was warning him about some revenge scheme then it likely was part of bigger plan that would somehow benefit the man. Or entertain him, which was worst.

Or maybe it really was a threat— from Izaya himself.

Kida was so lost in his thoughts that he had made it all the way into his room before he even realized he was home. He dropped his bag on the floor, glancing at his messy bed. It was only around dinner time now, but he felt uncharacteristically tired. He could feel the beginning of a headache forming.

_I’ll… just take a quick nap._

Plopping onto his bed, Kida buried his face in the comfort of his pillow.

Even if someone did target Mikado and Anri, it wouldn’t be like last time. No way.

 _“… after what happened with_ Saki-chan _and all…”_

The sentence floated up to his mind, repeating it itself. Kida’s hands clenched onto the soft pillow. Would he really be able… to save them? If he needed to? He had loved Saki. Or at least he had thought he did… but Kida hadn’t saved her. Didn’t even try. He had run away… like a _coward._

If he hadn’t saved her, could he really trust himself to save Mikado and Anri?

A sick feeling crawled into the pit of Kida’s stomach and he pressed himself further into his bed. He wasn’t going to think about this anymore. He was going to take this nap and clear his head.

Trying to fight back memories of the night he had abandoned Saki, Kida slowly drifted to sleep.   
  
He had the first of many reoccurring nightmares; the sound of someone dear to him screaming in Kida’s ear and the overwhelming smell of blood.

Kida had awoken the first time in a cold sweat and lost his lunch to his toilet. With the horrifying images still swirling around in front of his mind’s eye, Kida made his decision.

He wouldn’t take the chance of Mikado and Anri getting hurt. The chance that, instead of coming to save them, he would _run away._

So he would eliminate the risk entirely.

Kida started to try to separate himself from his two friends, slowly weaning himself away.

He knew that if he really wanted to protect them, he should have completely cut himself off. Just stop being friends with them altogether.

But he couldn’t. The idea made him want to cry. He convinced himself that slowing slipping out of Mikado’s and Anri’s lives was the better choice.

He was going to slowly spend less and less time with the two, and at the same time push them together. While the two got closer, Kida would quietly disappear from their lives. It wasn’t unusual to lose connections with someone after spending less time with them. It happened all the time actually. They would probably realize eventually, but hopefully by then it wouldn’t matter. He would become a memory.

That had been the plan at least.

The first couple weeks, he successfully managed to dwindle down the time he spent with the two. But then somehow, Anri seemed like… well like _she knew_ or something. But she never came up to him about it. It was odd, but Kida ignored it. Luckily, Mikado hadn’t noticed yet. It hurt a little that his best friend didn’t notice that they were spending less time together (he had been hurting a lot these days), but in the end it was better that way.

Unfortunately though, ever since Kida had that first nightmare, the dream had continued to haunt him whenever he slept. Some nights he wouldn’t sleep just to avoid having the nightmare. And sometimes, when he did fall asleep, the nightmare left him emptying the remains of his dinner.

As sleepless nights piled upon one another, along with losing his appetite, Kida could feel himself getting more irritable. He started snapping at everyone, even at his beloved friends. It was unintentional, but with headaches often plaguing him at all hours, always tired, and an empty feeling in his stomach, Kida would lash out before he could stop himself.

_But it’s okay… I want them to separate themselves from me, right? It’s okay… if they don’t want to be with me anymore._

It was around that time that Kida’s fragile plan began crumbling around him.

Mikado noticed.

If it had hurt before when Mikado had been blissfully unaware of Kida’s drifting, it absolutely killed Kida to actively push the other boy away. And the more Kida pushed, the closer Mikado would cling to him.

And today… today Kida completely destroyed what little progress he had made.

It’s late when the blonde teen quietly enters his dark home, many hours after the incident outside Mikado’s apartment. Until now he had been mindlessly wandering around the city, in an attempt to clear his head.

Kida toes off his shoes before shuffling into his room. After flicking on the lights, he moves over to his desk, setting his bag on the floor. Plopping into the chair, Kida groans as he sets his elbows on the cluttered surface of his desk. He rests his face into the palms of his hands, fingers lightly massaging the area.

There’s a throbbing headache pounding behind his eyes, it’s been there since he woke up that morning.

The events of the day had been replaying through his head since Kida left Mikado standing outside his rundown apartment.

_“You’re… my best friend in world! And you … I mean, I-I’m still yours right?”_

He should have said no. Why couldn’t he say no? Instead he had caved, given into the pained look on Mikado’s face.

Kida’s heart tightens as he recalls the look on Mikado’s face. He couldn’t do it, couldn’t tell Mikado that they weren’t best friends. Kida’s positive it would have killed him to do it, to watch as Mikado’s face fell.

He was selfish.

The longer Kida keeps those two close to him, the more likely they could one day be targeted. There’s a part of Kida that keeps whispering he should just _leave._ A quick, clean cut. But he shoves the thought aside. That wouldn’t work; feelings aside, Mikado would probably hunt him down anyway. The boy was stubborn like that. No, he needs Mikado to forget about him, so he won’t want him around.

A humorless laugh drifts past his lips.

Well, maybe he didn’t completely screw up. Since Kida had almost kissed Mikado earlier (was there really any other way Mikado would have interpreted it?), maybe the other boy wouldn’t want to talk to him anymore.

Kida considers the thought for a few minutes, before casting it aside like the others. No, Mikado wouldn’t stop talking to him over something like this. Mikado… Mikado was a really good friend like that. It isn’t hard for Kida to imagine his friend, face red in embarrassment, pushing himself to talk to Kida to reach out to him. Yeah, he would do that.

Now that he thought about it, Mikado might think that was the reason he was acting weird… which meant that he was essentially back at square one! Mikado was probably going to bug him about this, tell him that even though he didn’t feel the same ‘you don’t have to avoid me! We can still be friends Masaomi! Come on just talk to me about it!’ …That would be both embarrassing and incredibly counter-productive to his plan.

Another particularly sharp pain flashes behind his eyes, and Kida groans.

Ugh… this headache is seriously killing him.

The boy picks himself up from the comfort of his chair and makes his way over to the bathroom. Opening the medicine cabinet he shuffles around the various medication and other miscellaneous items before his hand finally gets a hold of the pain killers. Grabbing a glass of next to the sink, Kida fills the glass halfway before glancing at the bottle of pills again.

_How many of these am I supposed to take again?_

Kida turns the bottle in his hand, looking for the dosage amounts. Ah, he could only take two every 8 hours…

_Caution: If you consume more than the prescribed dosage amount, seek medical attention immediately._

The sentence sticks out to Kida, as he re-reads it several times. How many would knock someone out, he wonders. And how many would Kida need for him to never wake up again?

The thought sends a cold chill down his back and an uncomfortable prickly feeling settles in on his nerves. His hands are shaking slightly as he unscrews the cap on the bottle. He tips the bottle into his open palm and a pile of little white pills cascade into his hand.

Kida doesn’t know how many are in his hand, definitely more than two, and takes a moment to stare at them. Both of his hands are vibrating violently (In fear? Or maybe excitement?); the pills nearly slip onto the counter below.

In school they have assemblies about this. Suicide.

He had always thought it had been stupid. To take your own life, really what would that solve? But as Kida stares at the pills he can’t help but think of all the good things that could come from it. It would probably be painless, for one. Easy even. It’s not likely his parents will miss him, and Izaya wouldn’t be able to torment him anymore. He wouldn’t have those _awful_ dreams anymore either…

And with him gone, Mikado and Anri-chan wouldn’t be in danger anymore. What reason would there be to go after a dead man’s friends? And Mikado wouldn’t be able to… follow him.

… Mikado.

His hand jerks a little too much and suddenly the pile of pills drop and scatter onto the counter below, some escaping to floor.

“Ah shit!”

The bleached-haired boy squats down and shakily starts to collect the pills from the floor. His hands still quiver making it difficult to pick up the small pills, but eventually they are collected in his hand and he stands. He lets them spill onto the counter with the others, and sweeps them all into a makeshift pile next to the forgotten bottle.

Kida’s hands grab hold of the counter’s edge, the sight of them shaking so badly making him feel a little queasy, and again stares at his possible escape route. The easy way out, huh? He takes a shuddering breath and tries to focus on calming down, when did he get all jittery?

I-If he were to… to…

Would… Mikado really be okay? Kida tries to imagine again, a life after he is gone. Mikado… would be sad. Kida’s heart tightens for a moment as he thinks about it. His friend would probably grieve, like most would for their friend but… A thought keeps itching its way into Kida’s head.

Mikado seemed to almost feel… responsible for Kida, lately.

… would Mikado blame himself, if Kida…?

For a horrifying second Kida sees Mikado where he is, pushing those same pills past his lips, swallowing, closing his eyes…

Kida’s hands fly from the counter to grab the pills and their bottle—

_No, no, no…!_

He turns and casts both the pills and the container into his toilet, frantically flushing as though by getting rid of the painkillers will somehow keep the Mikado in Kida’s head from taking them.

The last of the pills disappear down the drain leaving the bottle that was too large to fit swirling around the bowl. Kida slumps to the side against the wall, breathing unsteadily. There’s a numb buzz in his head, it feels like he’s somehow thinking about nothing and _everything_ at the same time. Hundreds of connected and unconnected thoughts and images filter through his head chaotically. Images of Mikado, himself, Saki, those pills, Mikado, Anri, Izaya, red, blood, pills, Mikado…

Kida slides down the wall to sit on the tiled floor, pulling his knees to his chest. Resting his head on his knees, he takes several deep breaths as his mind tries to settle.

… He’s being ridiculous. There’s no… no way that Mikado would take his own life like that. No, definitely not, Mikado was good kid, he wasn’t like… him.

Like Kida.

His fingers find their way into his hair, pressing against his skull. He couldn’t do it, he can’t do it, not when he thinks about the way Mikado would look, how he might feel…

A small but chilling voice in the back of his mind whispers to him, _you’re just being selfish, you coward—_

A spark of pain throbs in his head again, and he’s suddenly reminded of the pounding headache wracking his poor brain.

… and he just flushed all his painkillers down his toilet.

A quick laugh bubbles out of him, slipping into a small pathetic whine.

“… God damn it… fucking idiot.”

Kida’s hands fall to the ground, but he continues to rest his head on his knees.

He’s so damn tired. But if he sleeps he’ll probably just have that dream…

Mikado’s face surfaces in his thoughts again, but this time he’s smiling, soft and gentle…

_“You can tell me anything, **Masaomi.** ”_

.

.

.

.

.

He falls asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

_It’s dark._

_It’s always dark here._

_There’s nothing but a black vastness in front of Kida, but when he lifts his hand in front of his face he can see it. It’s as if he is somehow emitting his own light; self-illuminated. And then he’s reaching into his pocket, grasping his cell phone._

_Kida doesn’t recall his phone ringing but he opens the phone, compelled somehow, and places it next to his ear._

_“Hello?”_

_There is only silence, and for a moment Kida wonders if there is anyone on the line at all._

_But then he blinks and suddenly the scene is different._

_He is no longer alone._

_They’re tall, towering almost, black silhouettes (but somehow darker then the pitch black around them, how was that—) standing in front of him. The silhouettes (people?) stand in a circle, surrounding something (someone). His phone is still pressing close to his ear, now almost humming to life._

_The voice that speaks sounds chillingly familiar._

_“—uestion number one! We have a special guest here today! Hint: It’s someone very, very, very, important to you—“ there is a crackling, muffled noise, “—Question two: What do you suppose—“ it’s like he has bad reception, the voice fading in and out, “—looks like right now?”_

_There’s a loud cracking sound (a leg shattering), ringing along with the following ear-splitting scream. It’s ringing, ringing,_ ringing—

_“What bone was that, that just broke? Hint—” Kida can feel his arm shaking, his chest constricting, “—won’t be walking for a while! Final Question—”_

_His chest is heaving and he feels sick, he remembers this—_

_“—what’s going to happen if you don’t come to the parking garage, where you trapped us, in twenty minutes?”_

_The silhouettes in front of him start moving, swinging down (and down and down) at the center of their circle; he can hear that chilling crack again, and again, and_ **again** —

 _And ( he, she, he, she_ who? _) is screaming, it feels like his ears are going to burst and his stomach feels queasy,_ I’m going to be sick—

 _“Aren’t you going to save—? You_ love _— right?”_

 _The screaming gets louder, incoherent and piercing; everything in Kida’s head is telling him he has to save— (_ who are you? _)— but his feet are planted to the ground,_ I can’t move, I can’t move, I have to, I love—!

D-don’t I—?

_The moment he squeezes his eyes shut the screams stop; though his ears are still ringing, and the silence still feels as if it’s roaring somehow._

_Suddenly there’s a steady beep in the once quiet space and he opens his eyes carefully. He’s looking down, and instead of overwhelming darkness there are plain, white tiles under his feet. Shifting his gaze up he finds the space has changed—_

_“Mikado?”_

_Something in the back of his mind is scratching, something’s different about this,_ **what is it?**

_His friend lies still against the stark white sheets of the bed, something uneasy stirring in the pit of Kida stomach as he takes in the sight of the casts encasing Mikado’s legs. A compulsion swells up to run over to the other boy, to apologize—_

It’s all my fault, if only I had…

_But even though everything in him is screaming to run over, Kida stands still. He watches Mikado with a mixture of guilt and strangely confusion._

_What had happened to Mikado?_

_He knew. He_ knew _… Why couldn’t he remember?_

_The shiver that travels down his spine when Mikado’s eyes flicker open unsettles him, and he thinks to call out to his friend but Kida’s throat constricts; nothing comes out. For a moment Kida can’t understand why, before he realizes that it’s fear running down his back, clogging his throat—_

My fault, I can’t face them…!

 _And still Kida can’t move, even when Mikado’s eyes settle on him, Kida’s entire body shaking, breathing in short, quick gasps. His heart hammers as his gaze connects with his friend’s. Even though it’s Mikado staring back at him, the look in his eyes sends Kida’s thoughts into near hysteria._ It couldn’t possibly Mikado, he’d never look at me like that, not like—!

_Mikado shifts on the bed, whispering something under his breath as he moves his stiff legs off the mattress and onto the tile below. He keeps his eyes trained on Kida, standing uneasily on his casts._

_Kida stands still, too frightened to move, as Mikado tries to walk toward him, mumbling all the way. A little more than halfway he collapses; vomiting in bright red all over the floor. The smell is overwhelming—_

_He looks up._

“Why didn’t you save me Masaomi?”

Kida wakes screaming.

For a moment he isn’t even aware of himself; there is only the dream, that horrible _fucking dream—_

He scampers to the toilet and retches; there’s nothing but bile and spit to empty out.

He dry heaves for what feels like forever and even though he’s awake he can still smell the blood and he just keeps heaving.

Finally, he leans away from the toilet and wipes his mouth before flushing the toilet; the empty pill bottle swirls around the bowl again.

He rests this throbbing head in his hand and breathes.

Over in his room he hears his ringtone going off. Groaning he gets up to go check who it is, settling on just crawling there. Standing is too much effort right now. He shuffles into his room and snatches his phone from his bag.

Private number.

“Ah, shit.”

He lets it finish ringing and waits for a voicemail notification, leaning back so his back can rest against the mattress. He’s got a pretty good guess who it is.

Nothing pops up but the phones starts ringing again and private number flashes up at him.

Sighing he concedes to the inevitable and answers; maybe he’s wrong.

“Hello?”

“Oooohh there you are~!”

Curse his well-placed educated guesses.

He’s about to hang up, far from being in the mood to deal with whatever shit Izaya’s going to give him but—

“I have something really important to tell you, Masaomi-kun.”

Kida pauses. The hair on the back of his neck is bristling and the nausea that never quite went away washes over him again.

“… well what is it?”

“Do you know I’ve been trying to call you for almost an hour now—“

“Izaya—“

“It’s not like I have to do this but I just want to look out for you, Masaomi-kun—“

Kida let’s out an annoyed groan and runs a hand through his hair.

“Get to the point already!”

“I was chatting with Ryuugamine-kun online earlier,” Kida’s breathing stopped, “And something ahh… concerning happened.”

Why was Mikado talking to Izaya?

“Mid conversation Mikado just up and logged off. It was very out of character for him. That was about an hour ago and he hasn’t come back.”

Kida’s mind was spiraling _just how close were they?_

“Mikado doesn’t live in a very safe neighborhood you know.”

Kida felt his throat constrict _oh no._

“I’m just worried something _may_ _have happened_ —”

He’s already running out of his apartment; his heart racing _no no not again._ He cuts off Izaya’s call, quickly finding Mikado’s number in his contacts. Mikado’s place is at 20 minutes away walking even if he sprints all the way there—

It rings and rings and…

He curses and ends the call. He doesn’t know how long it takes but he runs the whole way and halfway there his chest feels like it’s going to combust. But he doesn’t stop, not even for a moment.

He rushes up the stairs to Mikado’s apartment and nearly throws himself against the door. He wastes no time and starts slamming his fist on the door.

“Mikado!”

There’s scrambling and—

Mikado opens the door, the most scandalized look on his face.

Mikado in all his blue-eyed glory and Kida is just _so fucking relieved._

“Masaomi?!”

Kida collapses to his hands and knees and retches on Mikado’s doormat. The physical toll on his body from running was doing wonders for his already unsettled stomach.

Mikado squeaks and quickly crouches down by Kida.

“Are you okay!?”

He grabs Kida’s shoulders, his voice on the verge of panic.

Kida heaves for a few moments more, before he finally shudders to a stop. He nods and wipes at his mouth, trying to breathe deeply. He wonders for a moment what on earth he’s even throwing up at this point.

“Yeah yeah… Sorry. I uh… stomach bug.”

Though it doesn’t make any sense, Mikado doesn’t ask and merely ushers Masaomi inside. He moves to slip off his shoes only to realize that, lo and behold, he isn’t even wearing any.

“… Oh.”

Now that he’s aware, his feet sting lightly. He checks the bottom of feet, but besides a layer of dirt on his socks, he seems delightfully uninjured. Lucky~!

Mikado had moved on to the kitchen grabbing a couple damp towels to mop up the mess on the floor. He’s jittering around, still caught up in the surprise and Masaomi feels a little guilty but mostly he still just so happy that Mikado’s fine.

His friend shuffles back over and Masaomi reaches out to take one of the towels, muttering another quick apology. They make quick work of the mess and deposit the dirtied towels in the sink. They fall into an awkward silence, not really looking at each other, when it suddenly occurs to Masaomi, _it’s the middle of the night and he ran here with no shoes on._

Mikado’s not looking at him, nervously scratching his arm, and another thought occurs to him. Mere hours ago he had nearly sexually assaulted his best friend after having purposefully avoided him for weeks _shit._

It’s obvious from the tension in the room that Mikado _knows_ he’s got to know. Masaomi had never even imagined he’d ever have to deal with the aftermath and _most certainly_ _not so soon._ He can feel the panic rising.

Exit stage left.

“Ah ha ha wow look at the time! Well, I should probably go now, sorry for waking you up!” He starts turning to leave.

Mikado’s aim is a little off and he starts forward too fast, so it’s really not so much of a kiss as it is a crashing of two mouths. But he adjusts quickly and it turns soft and Masaomi is perfectly still.

There’s just a flick of tongue—

Mikado sharply pulls back.

“Blergh!”

He wipes furiously at his mouth and for a second Masaomi is pretty hurt, then the towels in the sink catch his eye—

Masaomi doubles over laughing, tears welling in his eyes. He laughs so hard that he gives up on standing and just flops onto the ground, gasping between fits of laughter. Mikado looks down at him, mortified, while Masaomi waves his hand in his friend’s general direction.

“Y-you…you _saw me_ but you…!” He doesn’t have enough air between laughing to say much more. Mikado just buries his face in his hands groaning.

Eventually his laughing dies down and the room goes quiet; His stomach hurts a little, still not quite settled, but he’s feeling pretty content on the floor.

Mikado shifts from foot to foot.

“… can you stay a little longer?”

Masaomi closes his eyes. Whatever plans he’d had were pretty much up in smoke at this point.

There was no point in avoiding it now.

Or at least, he doesn’t really feel like it anymore.

“Yeah.”

It’s quiet for a little longer, Masaomi still lying on the floor, until Mikado starts puttering around the kitchen. There’s a click of the stove being flicked on and finally Masaomi forces himself up and heads to Mikado’s tiny bathroom. He grabs a spare toothbrush from the cabinet and works on cleaning up his mouth; the taste of stale vomit finally getting to him.

When he’s finished and leaves the bathroom there’s already teapot on the stove and Mikado is pulling out a small table from the closet to the middle of the room. Mikado tries to subtly avoid making direct eye-contact with him. He doesn’t comment on it, sitting down at the table. Mikado sits across from him.

There’s a tension in the air again, as the sit in silence, waiting for the pot to boil. But now, Masaomi thinks, it feels a lot more like anticipation then uncomfortable.

When they both have their tea, it is Masaomi who finally speaks.

“Soooo… do you normally assault people’s faces like that?”

Mikado’s pinks a little, frowning. Masamoi’s snickers behind his cup.

“… What happened, Masaomi?”

He sets down his tea, sighing.

“Hmmm that depends, what are you referring to?”

His friend’s frown deepens. He gestures vaguely to his front door.

“… I was having a night jog and I decided to come visit… you…?” Masaomi mutters weakly. Maybe he’s not as ready to talk about this as he thought he was.

Mikado looks down at his cup, fiddling with it.

“Did… it have to do with earlier today?”

Masaomi doesn’t answer; it’s not exactly the reason, but it’s not completely unrelated.

Mikado fidgets.

“Is it why you’ve been avoiding me?”

It stings to hear it out loud.

“… it might have something to do with, yeah.”

Again, not exactly the whole truth, but it’s not completely wrong either. He’s not ready to talk about Izaya, or Saki, or his dreams, but he finds that he can talk about this at least. It’s enough to satisfy Mikado for the moment, at least, and it’s almost enough for him too. Mikado just sort of nods to himself taking a small sip of tea.

It would be nice if that could be the end of it, but there’s still something that pulls at Masaomi’s anxious thoughts. He finishes off his cup and sets it down. He prepares himself for the worst.

“Mikado… you didn’t kiss me because you felt like you had to, did you? To make me feel better?”

He throws Masaomi an offended look.

“No! I… after earlier… I wanted to know what it was like.”

He quiets and glances away.

Masaomi leans his elbow on the table, resting his chin in the palm of his hand.

“… well, was it everything you dreamed of?”

Mikado clucks his tongue irritably.

“No, it tasted pretty gross,” Masaomi starts to laugh, “But I want to try it again.”

He stops laughing. Masaomi stares curiously at his friend, who stares back at him.

“Okay.”

He adjusts so he’s on his knees, bracing his hands on the table. He leans forward over the table until he’s hovering in front of Mikado, close enough to feel his breath across his lips.

Mikado leans forward and catches his mouth. He hums slightly, tilting his head so the slide together more comfortably. He feels a hand gliding past his cheek and up into his hair. It’s warm and soft and honestly Masaomi thinks maybe he’s actually dreaming because this is far too good to be real.

He pulls back and Mikado exhales, eyes glowing. There’s this sort of mystified look on his face and Masaomi feels much the same.

“… so what about that one?”

Mikado’s hand is still buried in his hair, warm.

“I liked it.”

“I like _you._ ”

“… let’s try again.”

Masaomi doesn’t need to be told again; he quickly presses his lips against Mikado’s, hastily shoving the table between them out of his way. He hears their cups clatter to the floor; his cup was mostly empty anyway and probably Mikado’s too so who cares. Right now all he knows is that Mikado’s tugging at his hair and trying tongue again and at some point the worst day ever turned into the best day ever and some spilled tea isn’t gonna ruin it for him.

Later, when Mikado has passed out and he’s turning out the lights, Masaomi reflects.

_“I think I like you too, Masaomi.”_

He’s feeling good right now.

Not everything is okay, though.

He still doesn’t think he can talk about Izaya, about before Mikado came here. The real reason why he tried so hard to strangle their friendship. And he doesn’t know how or why Mikado was talking to Izaya.

But as he settles down next to his not-strictly-friend, and curls against Mikado back, he thinks this is enough for the moment.

He thinks about his dirty socks and his shoes still sitting at home.

At the very least he knows, if need be, he’ll come _running._

**Author's Note:**

> This is a fic like 5+ years in the making and that is not an exaggeration. Because of that, I've re-written a lot of parts as I got a better feel for my writing but sometimes it still feels a little weird when I read through it. In any case, this was originally written for Durarara!! Kink Meme but I never finished it there and it's changed some since then. In the end part of the reason I ended up taking so long was I had a difficult time fulfilling the request with out feeling like I was stretching the believability. So in the end I actually didn't finish in a way that would have fulfilled it :C I'm more or less happy with this, as it is by far the longest work I have written, even if it is not the best. Thank you for reading!


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